Hi There! I'm God.

Although I feel no real need to introduce myself, I feel it would be rude and inconsiderate not to do so.

I am God.

Jehovah, Yahweh, Elohim...The Big Guy in the Sky.

Now I know what you're asking yourself (I am God after all), why does God need a blog? I feel this is an excellent way for me to communicate directly to you, my people, about some of the other cool things going on in your world.

Now, don't worry. I'm not going to be all fire and brimstone, sin and damnation...I've got people I pay to talk about that stuff all the time, so you won't have to worry about getting the Ten Commendments brought up every 5 minutes.

I mean, I didn't slave 6 days while creating the Earth just to get all up in your face about sin and whatnot.

I created you in my image, which means I share all the same interests you do. I like music, movies, tv, books...pop culture in general. I also thought it might be an excellent way to show my "human" side by letting my divine hair down a bit and having some fun with you all.

So, I feel as though I need to take a little time in my first post to answer some of the questions i receive on a daily basis.

1. Are you real?
Of course I am...who do you think set this blog up?

2. When I die will I go to heaven or hell?
Well, that's completely up to you isn't it. But since you're here and not downloading Peruvian kiddie porn I'd say you're certainly heading in the right direction.

3. Are aliens real? Is there other life in the universe?
Look, not to get down on you but you all seem to be having enough trouble handling yourselves without spending all your time worrying about some folks I may, or may not, have created on the other side of the galaxy. Let's get you straightened out first and then we'll talk about what might be out in the vast universal void.

4. Was Darwin right? Did man evolve from apes or was he created as is?
Both theories are correct. Man never ceases to amaze me. It's always "one or the other" without contemplating the possibility that more then one method might be involved. I created you and you then evolved. You don't have to look far to see evolution at work...just look at how the Playstation 1 has evolved into the Playstation 3. Do you honestly think I'd create the concept of evolution for you to use and not make use of it myself?

5. When I get to heaven will my pet dog/cat/rabbit/goldfish/parrot/python, etc be there?
Heaven is pure happiness and joy. Can you imagine spending your life without your cherished pets? Would you be happy knowing you'd never see them again? Of course not...so you've just answered your own question.

6. Will you help me get (insert desire here)?
Look, I've got the whole universe to run here. Occasionally I'll sneak out and catch a movie or watch some TV but for the most part I'm kinda busy. I suggest that if you want an Xbox 360 that badly you'd do well to start saving your nickels and dimes.

7. What exactly is the devils problem anyway?
Ahhh, well I'm afraid that's my fault. He needed more attention then I could give him and he got more and more extreme in his methods of getting it until I finally had to get stern with him. If only I had been able to spend more time with him during the creation things would all be different now. Learn from my mistake parents...never push your children aside for your work. You will regret it one day.

8. Why do you allow death and destruction?
Just imagine how crowded the Earth would be if no one ever died. Also, what would make life special and unique to you if it never ended and you had infinite time? Your leaders and politicians simply cannot manufacture war and conflict fast enough to do the job properly so I'm forced to step in. But since I'm so attached to you all I've created Death to impartially select at random so I can truly remain focused on making sure things run the way they're supposed to.

9. Is there really a hell where the soul is tormented for all eternity?
Yup.

10. What do you look like?
I look just like you. You were created in my image.

11. Why is the sky blue and the grass green? (I get this all the time from kids)
Just imagine how silly it would look if the sky was green and the grass was blue.

12. Why does everything (squirrel, rabbit, frog legs, etc.) taste like chicken?
I like chicken.