Who wants to come take a lick off God's Mr. Ding-A-Ling?

You want to know why kids come up missing in America everyday? Look no further then this :

Mr. Ding-A-Ling Ice Cream Trucks Get Chilly Reception

UTICA, N.Y. -- Some people in New York state don't like the way Mr. Ding-a-Ling is doing his thing.

Mr. Ding-a-Ling ice cream vendors have been ticketed for violating local noise ordinances. So, officials of the Albany-based company have ordered their trucks to stay away from New York Mills and Whitestown, where people have complained about music blaring from loudspeakers.

Company officials say they hope they can work out a compromise, so the ice cream trucks can return to the sweltering streets.

Holy shit...where do I even begin?

Let's start with the spectacularly idiotic name of this little ice cream selling enterprise...Mr. Ding-A-Ling.

What parent in their right mind would let their kids anywhere near an ice cream truck with "Mr. Ding-A-Ling" on the side...much less actually buy anything from a man in a "Mr. Ding-A-Ling" uniform?

I can see the conversation going something like this :

Billy : Mom! I'm going to get some ice cream from Mr. Ding-A-Ling!
Mom : Be careful Billy...you always make a mess when you eat Mr. Ding-A-Ling...you know your father doesn't like to see Mr. Ding-A-Ling stains all over your face and clothes!
Billy : Don't worry Mom...I'll be careful. I don't want to have to sit through another of Dad's Monica Lewinsky speeches...whoever she is."
Mom : Billy...while you're out there, get Mommy one of Mr. Ding-A-Ling's large treats. Your father won't be home until much later and Mommy need something long before then.
Billy : Ok, Mom...do you want the big chocolate one like last time?
Mom : Yes Billy...I think that'll do nicely.

Sweet Jesus...these people have an obvious sexual predator wandering through their streets selling ice cream and all they can object to is that the freakin' song is too loud?

What song do the "Mr. Ding-A-Ling" Ice Cream trucks play anyway? I'll bet it's My Ding-A-Ling by Chuck Berry.

I sincerely hope Michael Jackson doesn't hear about this...can you imagine the "King of Pop" cruising the neighborhoods looking to peddle his "Mr. Ding-A-Ling" to all the kids...and by the way, how ridiculous is the title "The King of Pop"...he should be called the "The King of Molesting Boys and Wiggling His Way out of Justice". When I get my hands on him, he'll wish he'd just have "beat it" instead. You know you're screwed up when you make LaToya Jackson look normal.

Pretty soon R. Kelly will be selling "Mr. Ding-A-Ling Yellow Snowcones" to all the teenage girls, videotaping them while he sprays the snowcone liquid all over their faces and singing I Believe I Can Fly.

Let me tell you all something, I would never let Jesus anywhere near anyone peddling anything with the name "Mr. Ding-A-Ling" attached to it. How many times in the Bible do you read "...and then Jesus followed the strange Macedonian merchant back to his tent to get the treats the merchant was promising." I'll tell you how many times...NONE...because I'd never let it happen.

Sometimes I wonder how I could make people who turned out so stupid. Then I realize that I didn't make them stupid, I simply gave them the freedom to make stupid choices...unfortunately I assumed they wouldn't.

Boy was I wrong.