Cooter says "Don't go see the Dukes of Hazard."

Thanks dude. Like I really needed advice from a man best known to the world as "Cooter" from the Dukes of Hazard.

So why would a man who stands to gain from a resurgence of Dukes of Hazard popularity advise people against going to see the new movie? Simple, he says that with all the "foul language" and "sexual situations", Hollywood has ruined what was once a "family show".

What the hell has this guy been smoking...and is he willing to share? Because I've got a feeling that's some really good shit.

Let's go over the idea of the "original" Dukes of Hazard for a moment shall we?

The story revolves around Bo and Luke Duke. Two social miscreants who have been in more then their fair share of unawful activity. Both of them are on probation for the illegal transportation of homemade corn liquor and they routinely break the law and engage in innumerable dangerous car chases through every conceiveable part of the fictional "Hazard County, Georgia". These felllas can't go to the damn store to pick up a loaf of bread without nearly killing everyone along the way and jumping their modified Dodge Charger (with a Confederate Flag on top by the way...that just screams social consciousness) over every stream/river they can find.

Their uncle is still engaged in the sale and manufacture of illegal corn liquor and not only knows about, but completely condones the actions of his nephews...often helping them in their many illicit schemes.

Their cousin Daisy is often seen in various stages of undress and mercilessly tortures every man she can with her agressive sexual tendencies. Often leaving poor Deputy Enos with an obvious and quite unfortunate case of blue balls.

The county is run by crooked Police and Politicians who attempt every way possible to destroy the Duke family. While trying to evade all the other crooks and con men who come around looking to get even with them.

Wow, that whole show is just absolutely overflowing with "family" values. I can see why ol' Cooter would want to maintain the integrity and artistic vision of all those involved with the original incarnation of the Dukes of Hazard. I can certainly see where today's world needs the strong moral compass that only the Dukes of Hazard can provide.

This is all happening in the same country that went apeshit over a split second glimpse of Janet Jacksons tit, right?

So let me get this straight. It's perfectly ok to have to uneducated, lawbreaking, inbred hicks zoom around in a racecar, hanging out the windows and shooting dynamite laiden arrows at other people, while transporting illegal substances and avoiding the corrupt county officials. But as soon as one of them says "shit", "fuck" or "goddamn" then the entire, wholesome family morality goes right out the window.

You've got to be kidding me, right?

Do us all a favor "Cooter", and shut the hell up.