A typical day with God.

I thought I'd do something different by giving you all a glimpse into my day.

A lot of people think that all I do is sit around all day and condemn sinners to Hell, but that's not true. I do a lot of stuff during the course of the day that most of you don't know anything about or even take for granted.

So, here we go!

All of God's daily activities were transcribed by myself, the Prophet Elijah, as I was allowed to document and observe his daily activities.

7:30 AM : God is awakened from his Heavenly slumber by his alarm clock...hits snooze button and goes back to sleep.
7:45 AM : Alarm clock goes off again...God is now pissed, but awake.
8:00 AM : God goes to the bathroom...brushes his teeth, combs his hair and applies "Heavenly Scent" deodorant.
8:30 AM : God joins Mrs. God for a quick breakfast and a briefing on the previous nights events from his Chief of Staff, the Archangel Gabriel.
8:45 AM : God arrives at his office. He checks his e-mail, phone messages and prayer list.
9:00 AM : God goes about determining which prayers should be answered for that day. All prayers asking for more money, material goods, sexual favors, the meaning of life, "why am I here" and increased/decreased sex organ size are summarily ignored.
10:00 AM : Answering the previous days worthy prayers begins. This varies in the amount of time required mainly in direct proportion to the number of ridiculous prayers received that day.
11:30 AM : God finishes answering all the previous days prayers and walks over to the Universal Maintenance Offices for a meeting with the head Universe Engineer, the Archangel Michael. The Universal Maintenance Offices are primarily concerned with monitoring the workings of the Universe and doing minor repairs when necessary. Larger, more complex situations requiring the Divine Hand are passed through Heavens Chief Communications Officer John the Baptist and make their way into God's attention through the Archangel Gabriel.
12:00 PM : With the briefing from the Universal Maintenance Offices complete, God makes his way to the comissary for his daily lunch with the staff. God usually spends the entire hour walking through the hall and speaking to as many of his employees as possible. After picking a seat at a nearby open table, God regales the assembled workers with tales from the Creation and generally thanks them for all their hard work.
1:00 PM : After lunch, God makes his way to the Nursery to spend some time with that days departing babies headed to Earth and the beginning of their Mortal life. He assures them that it will all be over relatively quickly and imparts a few words of wisdom in regards to the pitfalls of free will and assures them that no matter what they might hear on Earth he is, in fact, real.
2:30 PM : God stops by the Pearly Gates to chat with St. Peter and to take a look at that days arrivals and to basically make all the hardcore sinners and aethists crap their pants before they are shuttled off to Hell.
3:30 PM : God's secretary, Mary Magdalene, shows him the next days tentative schedule and he briefs her and Gabriel on any difficulties he sees coming for the days and weeks ahead.
4:30 PM : God now spends the remaining time handling anything that's come up during the day that requires his Divine Intervention. This can sometimes include, but is not limited to Universal adjustments, the creation of new species, thwarting the dastardly plots of his nemesis Lucifer the Morningstar (also known as Satan) and surfing the internet and eBay for anything else that might spark his interest.
6:30 PM : God's day comes to a close. He makes his way home and enjoys a nice quiet meal with Mrs. God. He settles down to watch some TV, read a little or do some more surfing on the internet. Usually at some point during his home time in the evening he updates his blog and shares a little Heavenly insight with his readers.
11:30 PM : God and Mrs, God settle into bed for some well deserved rest...and the process begins again the next morning.

I hope that you all find this informative, today was a rather normal day. Nothing serious happened, no emergencies or anything. All in all it was a quiet and productive day.

I'll see you all tomorrow!