Sunday, October 16, 2005

Settle down children...I'm still here.

So I've been picking up a lot of anxiety amongst the faithful regarding the lack of missives from a certain omnipotent universal creator recently. So, I just want to assure you all that despite what you might have heard, dreamed, or read in the Weekly World News, I am in fact alive and well. I haven't abandoned, forgotten, or discarded you. However, the work I'm doing in the Andromeda Galaxy is progressing quite well and could produce some incredible things.

I'm always astounded at how amazingly self-absorbed Humanity is; do you honest think you folks are they only game in town? Here I am, the creator and maintainer of the multiverse, working away keeping everything running as smoothly as possible and does anyone notice that little fact?

No.

But if you miss a few measley Earth weeks on your blog the whole human populace goes all Courntey Love on your ass.

Nobody notices that the sun came up on time for the last 2 months. No one says a word about the fact Nature kept right on doing it's thing. Who do you think is doing all that work, Rodney Dangerfield? Talk about getting no respect...damn.

Listen folks, I've been around a long, long time. I'm not going anywhere. Just because I don't post on my blog for a few weeks doesn't mean that the universe has been plunged headlong into disorder. Have a little faith will ya.

Time for me is different then it is for you. Have you ever read the Bible? Of course you haven't...that was a rhetorical question (Louis from Maine, go to Merriam Webster's website for the definition of "rhetorical". You really should've paid closer attention in school. Drunk and stupid is no way to go through life son.) Anyway, back to my thought. In that little publication called the Bible, you know the most popular book in the history of books, I tell you that one of my days is like 10,000 years. So, you can understand my dismay at how worked up some of you have gotten about 3 or 4 lousy weeks of not posting here.

Get over yourselves...I'm busy.

But, I do understand where you're coming from. I've let my public relations department, aka The Church, do a pretty piss poor job of letting you all know what's going on with the Big G, hence the need for this blog.

So, in order to calm your fears and concerns I would like to announce that I will begin posting on a semi-regular basis. Now don't hold me to anything, I am God after all. I won't be subject to a schedule like a baseball game or car maintenance.

I'd seal our pact with a rainbow like I did with Noah after I promised not to flood the Earth again, but that would kinda detract from the statement I was making to humanity.

So I guess you'll just have to trust me.

2 Comments:

At 11:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Courtney Love gives us Courtneys a bad name...

C-Dizzle

 
At 11:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear God,

Would you please knock it off with the stupid billboards around town? I mean, just because I live in the Bible Belt shouldn't mean I have to read that silly shit everytime I'm out picking up a hooker or scoring rock.

 

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