Damn you Satan!
As I was doing some surfing today I stumbled upon the following story. Due to the obvious Satanic nature of this piece of disturbing news I have no doubt that my archrival Satan is hard at work.
Damn him.
So here's the news, brace yourselves...it's not pretty :
Smurfs Movie Announced
July 19, 2005 - They're four apples high... and headed to the big screen.
The Smurfs are headed to the big screen courtesy of Paramount Pictures – that's according to today's edition of industry insider mag Variety.
The studio has reportedly acquired the film rights to the classic toon characters and plans to develop a 3-D computer-animated film through Nickelodeon Movies. Jordan Kerner will produce and Paramount has hired Herb Ratner (Mr. Lucky) to pen the screenplay.
Assuming the film is successful, Paramount will release two more Smurfs flicks. The first is tentatively slated to drop in 2008 – that'll coincide with the 50th anniversary of the characters.
The Smurfs were created by Peyo Culliford in 1958, but didn't become an international sensation until the animated series appeared on NBC in 1981.
Ok, so in my opinion that's a cheap shot...even for Satan.
I mean, the world has been forced to endure the sickeningly cute smurfs once already. But reviving them to torture a new generation of defenseless children is a sign of evil that I've only glimpsed from Satan on very few occasions.
Well I'll tell you one thing, I don't feel smurfy about the news...not one bit.
Damn you Satan. I'll not take this lying down.
The insidiousness of his plan is all too apparent to me...first Garfield, now The Smurfs. Knowing Lucifer the way I do his scheming doesn't end there. Before you know it we'll be enduring a veritable "renaissance" of these shitty old children's shows.
Today, The Smurfs. Tomorrow, Strawberry Shortcake.
Well now I'm pissed. Satan is going down...again!
posted by God @ 11:22 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
I love you too my child.
Don't worry, I'm sure you'll talk a young lady into coming down into your parents basement with you any day now.
Oh, who am I trying to kid.
You better have a good imagination...I fear that you'll be needing it for a good while longer.
You ought to send Satan a letter bomb full of blue food dye.
"And God turned to satan and said...
'Let there be light! And lots of explosions and stuff'
And Satan peeled back the Fedex package, instantly hit in the face with a force of blue liquid. His flesh from red to blue"
- Somewhere in the modern age Bible I'm sure.
A sudden shiver went down my spine. Isn't this one of the signs of the Apocolypse?
Maybe I should send Satan a "jokey smurf" package like you're suggesting...
I doubt he'd think they were so damn cute after that.
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